Observing your inner shifts: a practice for reconnecting with yourself

One of the most powerful steps you can take toward your well-being is learning how to observe what’s changing inside you. Throughout the day—and especially during emotionally significant moments—your body, mind, and emotions are constantly shifting. These shifts may seem small, but they’re often meaningful movements toward healing and growth.

What kinds of shifts can you begin to notice?

Inner changes can appear on different levels:

• Cognitive: you start thinking differently about yourself or a situation

• Emotional: your mood or feelings shift

• Physical: you notice tension, relaxation, breath changes, or warmth

• Behavioral: you take action in a way that’s new or unfamiliar for you

• Relational: you feel more engaged or more distant from someone

• Spiritual: you feel connection, meaning, or a sense of purpose

These changes can happen anywhere, but one of the most powerful places to notice them is in your interactions with others. The way you speak, react, hold your body, or agree to things you don’t really want—all of this can reveal unconscious habits you may not even realize you have. You can also observe how different your inner world feels when you are alone compared to when you're around others. Are you more relaxed? Do you escape into distractions? What are you avoiding?

A relatable example

Imagine that it’s hard for you to express yourself with your mother. You remember a recent moment when she said something that made you feel humiliated. You wanted to stand up for yourself, but instead, you froze. Afterward, you said to yourself:
“I’m so pathetic. I’m 33 years old and I still shrink around my mom. This is never going to change.”

You noticed your body tighten, your breath become shallow, and your shoulders and jaw clench. Emotionally, you felt small, sad, and defeated. Maybe you also felt somewhat disconnected—like you weren’t really present.

Later that night, though, you did something different. You sent her a message. At first, you shamed yourself for it:
“I’m so weak I couldn’t even say it to her face.”

But then you realized something else:
“I needed to express myself. I had to share my feelings, even if just once.”

And that was new. It wasn’t in-person, but you expressed yourself—which is something you’ve rarely done. At first, you brushed it off. But then you thought about how this broke a lifelong pattern. You said:
“I didn’t see it this way. I thought I was being cowardly. But it’s true—I’ve never done anything like this before.”

At that moment, something began to shift. You felt less defeated. Maybe even a little proud. You noticed deeper breathing. Your body relaxed. You felt more present and engaged.
“Even though it was just a text, this feels huge. It’s like a weight has lifted. I’ve never done anything like this before. I feel like an adult.”

Why this matters

We often live on autopilot. That means our reactions, behaviors, and emotions are being driven by things we can’t see. Unconscious patterns (old fears, learned defenses, and past emotional wounds) are still shaping how we move through life. And the more unconscious something is, the more control it tends to have.

But when you observe yourself (your body, thoughts, actions, feelings) you begin to shine a light on those patterns. Just noticing something can begin to change it. You don’t have to fix it or fight it. When you see it clearly, it loses momentum.

This is why it helps to ask:

• What do I tend to feel in certain situations?

• Do I often react the same way when someone criticizes me?

• What am I feeling beneath this sudden anger or anxiety?

You may discover that what feels like anger is really fear, or that your tension in social situations is more about needing approval than actual danger.

When you feel stuck in life, it often means there's something you're avoiding within yourself. That avoidance can be subtle—maybe just a habit of distracting yourself, rushing into action, or blaming others. But if you learn to pause, observe, and allow discomfort, something starts to shift.

What you can do when this happens

1. Observe without interpreting

Instead of saying “I’m sad,” say “I notice I’m crying.” This isn’t about naming feelings correctly, it’s about acknowledging what’s present without judgment.

2. Don’t force connection

You don’t have to stay in a “good place.” Just notice when something opens, and when it closes again. Both are valid parts of the process.

3. Pause when something new shows up

If you feel lighter or more relaxed, don’t rush ahead. Try asking:
“Would it be okay to stay with this feeling a little longer?”

4. Watch yourself in everyday interactions

Notice your body, emotions, and voice tone when you're with others. Are you people-pleasing? Getting irritated easily? Withdrawing? What are you not saying?

5. Notice how you are when you're alone

Do you feel calm or restless? Do you immediately reach for your phone or headphones? What might you be avoiding? Can you sit quietly with that discomfort?

6. Recognize that judgment hides what needs to be seen

Most of what we repress in ourselves is pushed away because of self-judgment. Learn to observe your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions without calling them “bad” or “wrong.” Observation is not evaluation.

7. Let awareness transform behavior

You may notice that as soon as you become conscious of a behavior, it shifts on its own. You don’t need to force it. That’s the power of presence.

Why discomfort is part of the process

When we start to see things we’ve avoided (like fear, sadness, selfishness, shame) it’s uncomfortable. That’s normal. That’s human. But the more you can stay with that discomfort without running, the more it teaches you.

Growth doesn’t happen by skipping over the hard parts. It happens when you can say:
“This is uncomfortable, but I’m willing to be with it.”

And when you do that, you often discover:

• That the feeling passes on its own

• That you gain insight about yourself

• That you don’t have to be afraid of what’s inside you

Journaling helps

It’s one thing to observe your inner world. It’s another to write it down. Journaling can:

• Strengthen your awareness

• Reveal hidden patterns

• Track your progress over time

• Reinforce your ability to stay present and self-honest

You can use this simple format:

🗓 date and time:
🧭 situation (what was happening?):
🫁 body sensations:
💬 emotions I noticed:
🧠 thoughts that came up:
🔄 did I feel more connected or disconnected? how could I tell?
🌱 did I do something differently than usual?
🔍 what do I want to explore more about this experience?

You don’t have to write perfectly. You just need to show up for yourself.

Self-observation is not about fixing yourself. It’s about seeing yourself—fully, honestly, and without judgment. When you do that, the change you’re seeking often begins on its own.

Don’t underestimate the power of simply noticing.

Your presence is enough to begin.