How do you experience your capacity for self-regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to manage your emotions, body states, and reactions under stress. It’s not about being in control all the time, but about being able to return to balance without getting stuck in extremes. This ability develops over time and is often shaped by early life experiences, including the kind of care and safety we received. Some people learn to calm themselves easily, while others depend on their surroundings or feel overwhelmed by their internal states.

This reflection can help you explore where you are in this process. There are no right or wrong answers. Simply choose the option that feels most familiar in each group.

1. Regulating your internal states

A. I can usually manage what I feel and return to a calm state
B. I struggle sometimes to regulate what I feel, even though I try
C. I often feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to get back to balance

2. Tolerance for stress or discomfort

A. I can stay present with difficult emotions without shutting down or reacting impulsively
B. Some emotions feel too intense, and I have trouble staying calm
C. I get agitated easily or emotionally numb to avoid feeling too much

3. Relying on others to soothe

A. I can calm myself without depending too much on others or the environment
B. I sometimes need people or things around me to help me feel okay
C. I feel like I can’t regulate at all unless someone else helps me

4. General sense of balance

A. I feel mostly energized, physically well, and emotionally stable
B. I have frequent ups and downs in how I feel emotionally or physically
C. I often feel tense, drained, or stuck in anxiety or emotional pain

What to do with your answers

Look at which letter shows up most: A, B, or C.

• If you chose mostly A, you likely have a strong foundation for emotional regulation. You’re able to manage internal stress and return to a balanced state with relative ease.

• If you chose mostly B, you might still rely on protective strategies that helped you in the past. These patterns served you once, but may now hold you back from deeper calm and connection.

• If you chose mostly C, your nervous system may still be using early survival strategies. This is not a flaw , it’s a sign that deeper healing or support could help you feel more in control and at ease.

Self-regulation is not fixed. It can be strengthened at any stage of life. Becoming more aware of your patterns is the first step toward more emotional freedom and resilience.