How do you manage your sense of control and responsibility?

Having agency doesn’t mean having total control over everything. It means feeling that we can actively respond to what happens to us, make conscious choices, and take ownership of our emotions. Some people develop this sense from an early age, while others have learned to rely more on external cues due to confusing or difficult experiences.

Assessment activity (guided self-exploration)

This exercise can help you explore how you are functioning at this moment in your life. There are no right or wrong answers. Just choose the option that feels closest to your experience in each group.

1. Ability to take responsibility

A. I feel able to make decisions and take ownership of what I think, feel, and do
B. Sometimes it’s hard to take responsibility for what’s happening to me, but I try to understand it
C. I feel like I have no control over what I think, feel, or do

2. Reaction to what happens

A. When something goes wrong, I try to understand my part without falling into guilt or drama
B. It’s hard not to blame others or feel like a victim of what’s happening
C. I often feel like everything that happens is someone else's fault or caused by external things

3. How the environment affects my well-being

A. Even though external things affect me, I don’t rely on them to feel okay
B. Sometimes I need things or people to be okay in order to feel at peace
C. My well-being strongly depends on what happens around me or how others treat me

4. How I relate to myself

A. I feel grounded and clear about who I am and how I want to act, even in hard times
B. Sometimes I connect with what I need, but I get confused or lost easily
C. I struggle to connect with myself or know what I need; I feel lost or disoriented

What to do with your answers

Take a look at which letter you chose most often: A, B, or C.

• If you chose mostly A, you’re functioning from a clear internal sense of control. You have the ability to decide, take responsibility, and care for yourself without fully depending on your environment.

• If you chose mostly B, you’re in an in-between stage. You’re beginning to recognize some aspects of your agency, but external emotions or situations may still make it harder to fully connect with it.

• If you chose mostly C, you may have had experiences where it didn’t feel safe to develop emotional autonomy. You might have learned to react or depend on the environment in order to feel safe. This isn’t a mistake, but it might be helpful to explore new ways of reconnecting with yourself and recovering your ability to act with greater freedom.

Agency is not something you fake or force. It’s something you build with awareness, care, and practice.