Emotions are not the problem, they are signals

If you experienced difficult situations in childhood (like rejection, abandonment, humiliation or violence), your mind did what it had to do to help you keep going. Often, that meant disconnecting from what you felt or learning to respond with shame, guilt or extreme self-control.

But what helped you survive back then may now be an obstacle to making decisions aligned with your current values.

The emotions that feel uncomfortable today (such as anger, anxiety or sadness) did not appear to harm you. They show up because something inside you is trying to protect you. When we understand this, we stop seeing emotions as enemies and begin to recognize them as messengers.

😠 Anger, the emotion of wounded dignity

Anger often appears when you feel something is unfair, when someone crosses a boundary or when your worth is not acknowledged. If you learned as a child that expressing anger was dangerous or unacceptable, you might now suppress it, or it may come out explosively, without warning.

In people with a history of adversity, anger is often connected to an interrupted protest (moments when your body wanted to say “enough” but couldn’t). That energy stayed inside, and now, when something resembles what happened before, your nervous system may react as if it’s a real threat.

Recognizing anger without judging it is a way to reconnect with your sense of justice, your need for respect and your ability to set boundaries.

😰 Anxiety, the emotion of anticipation

Anxiety shows up when your body senses that something bad might happen. It does not need proof, it reacts to subtle signals. If you grew up in an environment where something could go wrong at any moment (even if you didn’t know when or how), it makes sense that your system became hypervigilant.

You may be safe now, but your body doesn’t always realize it.

Anxiety is not weakness. It is an alarm that learned to activate quickly because it had to. You can learn to listen to it with respect, and also teach it that there are now more options, more tools and more safety than there were before.

😢 Sadness, the emotion of loss and longing

Sadness arises when something you value is broken, lost or did not turn out as expected. It is an emotion that connects you to what matters. But if you had to be strong too early, you may have learned to ignore it or to hide it.

Many adults who lived through adversity in childhood learned to keep functioning even while something was hurting inside. That unexpressed sadness does not disappear, it accumulates.

Feeling it does not make you weak. It helps you close cycles, process what hurt and create space for something new. Sadness (when allowed and supported) can be deeply healing.

🔄 Emotional pain, what does not heal tends to repeat

The brain processes physical and emotional pain in similar regions. That is why an insult, betrayal or exclusion can hurt like a real wound. And if those experiences happened often, the brain may start reacting even before anything actually happens, as a way of anticipating danger.

When emotional wounds are not acknowledged or cared for, they remain open. But just like a skin wound, they can also heal. Not through denial or empty phrases, but through context, support, meaningful words and new actions that build safety.

🌱 Your story does not define you, it is only your starting point

You did not choose what happened to you, but now you can choose how to respond to what you feel. Every repeated emotion (every reaction that seems too intense) has a story behind it. And each time you meet it with curiosity instead of shame, you reclaim direction.

Healing does not mean nothing will ever hurt again. It means you are no longer at the mercy of the past. It means you can listen to your emotions as valid signals, without letting them take control.

It means you can grow from what hurt you, without being defined by it.

🧭 Reflective exercise: your relationship with emotional pain

Take a moment to reflect on how you relate to emotional pain in general.

Do you tend to avoid it, minimize it, or distract yourself quickly?
Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed or confused by the intensity of what you feel?
Have you noticed that some emotional pain seems to repeat in similar situations?
How do you respond when old feelings resurface, especially those connected to difficult experiences from your past?
What do you notice inside as you explore your relationship with emotional pain?

😰 Reflective exercise: your relationship with anxiety

Now bring your attention to how you experience anxiety. You can focus on something specific that makes you anxious (for example, a relationship, work, or a life decision).

What deeper emotion or unmet need might your anxiety be pointing to?
What do you notice when you gently reflect on that underlying emotion or need?
How does your body respond as you explore your relationship with anxiety?

😠 Reflective exercise: your relationship with anger

Take a few moments to consider how you experience anger.

Do you feel angry easily, or does it take a lot to trigger it?
Do you rarely feel anger at all?
Are there ways in which you might turn anger inward (such as through self-criticism or harsh self-control)?
Are there moments when anger turns outward in ways that feel too intense or hard to manage?
What do you notice inside as you reflect on how you experience and express anger?

💧 Reflective exercise: your relationship with grief

Finally, explore how you relate to grief and loss.

Do you allow yourself to feel the sadness of something that mattered?
Does grief show up often, or do you feel disconnected from it?
How do you tell the difference between grief and depression in your experience?
Can you recall a time when you truly allowed yourself to grieve something important?
What do you notice inside you as you reflect on your relationship with grief?