How do you experience your sense of identity and independence?

As we grow, we go through an inner process called separation-individuation. This means slowly discovering who we are apart from the people around us, especially early caregivers. If we had safe, supportive relationships, it was easier to develop a strong identity and emotional independence. But if we experienced confusion, overprotection, or emotional fusion, we might still feel tied to those early dynamics in ways we don’t always notice.

This self-reflection activity can help you explore how this process unfolded for you. There are no right or wrong answers. Just choose the option that feels most familiar in each group.

1. Psychological independence

A. I feel like I can think and feel for myself, even when I’m close to others
B. I often depend on others emotionally and struggle to separate what I feel from what they feel
C. I don’t know where I end and others begin, especially in close relationships

2. Connection to past emotional patterns

A. I’m less caught up in old coping habits or emotional reactions from the past
B. I notice some repeated patterns but have a hard time shifting them
C. I often feel trapped in emotional reactions I don’t fully understand

3. Protection against emotional loss

A. I can feel loss and still stay connected and present
B. I unconsciously avoid emotional closeness to prevent being hurt
C. I feel overwhelmed by the idea of losing someone or being emotionally rejected

4. Your internal lens or point of view

A. I mostly relate to life with an adult mindset, even when things are hard
B. I move between feeling like an adult and feeling like a vulnerable child
C. I often feel stuck in a childlike state and don’t know how to move forward

What to do with your answers

Look at the options you selected. Which letter appears most often — A, B, or C?

• If you chose mostly A, you likely developed a strong capacity for emotional independence and identity. You’ve grown out of many past patterns and relate to life with clarity and agency.

• If you chose mostly B, you may still carry protective strategies that once helped you manage emotional closeness and loss. These patterns were useful but might now hold you back.

• If you chose mostly C, it could mean that emotional development was disrupted early on, and your system still relies on strategies from childhood. This is not a flaw. It’s a sign that deeper healing and support could help you feel more whole and independent.

Remember, we all carry layers of our past. Becoming more aware of how we’ve organized our identity can be a powerful step toward growth, healing, and freedom.